Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
