i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
