How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
