Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
