i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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