You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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