so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Come share oat with me in your robe
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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