Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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