and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
