why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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