i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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