why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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