erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
