I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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