Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
