Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
