I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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