hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
