Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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