She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
