I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
