from now on my penis is your penis
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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