walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
