this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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