He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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