I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
