Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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