I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize