tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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