just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
