One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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