U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
