Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
