I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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