I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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