Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
