When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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