i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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