I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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