He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
