I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
