What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
