So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Randomize
