Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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