sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
