The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
