he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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