grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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