I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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