Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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