Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
