Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I lost the right to judge tonight
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
