Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
