I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
