so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
