How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
