help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
