apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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