You work out of a Hotel?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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