Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
