Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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