Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
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She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
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You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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