So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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