Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
