I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
