Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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