If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize