My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
