I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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