so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
