i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
