Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
