so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
