just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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