All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
