Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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