one word: firstdatebathroomanal
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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