I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
